Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
