I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
