Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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