I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
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