I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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