I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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