can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
