I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
