it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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