Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
