You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
