On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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