i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Randomize
