and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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