Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
