Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
