Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
