You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
