Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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