I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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