Your face is a jimmy john
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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