He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
