From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
