I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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