He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
