i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
