i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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