I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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