Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
