our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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