i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
