i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
