I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
