For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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