we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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