If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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