I'm so fucking centered right now
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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