Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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