About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
