I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
