we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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