Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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