I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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