Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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