You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
