Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
