Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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