Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
