I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
