Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
